10 expert tips for better sex life03.09.2022
Learning how to have better sexual relations is a practice that must be maintained and cultivated. Our sex lives can be affected by many life events, challenges, or experiences.
You could have a lack of confidence, lack of arousal or feeling disconnected. These are all possible reasons for your humping. There are many options to address these issues and grow. With expert advice, we can help you.
It’s time for women to prioritize their pleasure and sex positivity are on the rise. Despite the progress being made, research has shown that there is still much to be done in order to realize your sex goals. Many of us feel that things are still lacking in the bedroom. You might think you are single and that is the problem. However, Ann Summers’ study found that only 2 out of 5 women feel satisfied after having sex. We explore the future of sex with the guidance of Kate Moyle, a leading psycho-sexologist and psychosexual and relationship therapist.
WHAT TO DO FOR A BETTER SEX
1. CREATE CONTEXT SHIFT
You can spice up your relationship by changing the energy in which you plan to have sex. Many of us work from home, so our environments have merged. We’re now able to relax in our bedrooms, living rooms, and other areas. This can make it difficult to distinguish work and play in our sex lives, according to Moyle. It can also lead to interpersonal problems at home, such as relationship burnout.
It is often called switching off to turn on. This can be difficult when we are constantly looking at our to-do lists. To create a context shift in your environment, try to work with lighting, music, and scents like Love Sleep from This Works.
2. REMOVE YOUR SCREENS
Sexual arousal can’t be switched on instantly. It takes time and space for it to develop. There are certain elements in modern life that you can turn off, so that you can concentrate on what you want. It’s technology, if you didn’t know.
Moyle says, “It will be difficult to feel desire if your focus is on your work emails and scrolling through Instagram.”
3. TRIGGER YOUR DESIRE
A study by Dr Rosemary Basson, a clinical sex therapist, titled Human Sex Response Cycles, reveals that there are two types sexual desires: spontaneous and responsive.
Moyle says that responsive desire is the type or desire that arises after we have started something. If you feel that it is difficult to get into the mood for sex, you can start by waking up your erotic imagination. Then you can focus your attention on a sexual space with audio erotica and ASMR for sex.
4. CURIOUSLY MASTURBATE
Moyle says female masturbation is a great way to discover more about your personality. She tells us that self-pleasure is a great way to explore your body and different stimulations.
It doesn’t matter if you want to concentrate on manual pleasure, or whether you are interested in trying out the best sex toys and vibrators. This is a wonderful opportunity to completely focus on you. Moyle says that this is easier for some people than if they are with a partner. “There are no expectations and distractions, which allows them to focus completely on themselves.”
5. PRACTICE MINDFULNESS
Modern life can cause us to feel disconnected from our bodies, so mindfulness is a must. Moyle says that smartphones and other devices like them are constantly alerting us and drawing our attention. These habits can leak into our sexual lives.
She explains that sex is about paying attention to the present moment and avoiding judgment. “This is because we can easily get distracted from the sex that is going on. This is due to our constantly-on social environment and productivity-focused approach.”
A 2016 University of British Columbia study suggests that mindfulness-based sex therapy can improve women’s sexual function and arousal. If you are looking for ways to increase your confidence and sex drive and be more present in the bedroom, then sexual mindfulness might be a good option.
Ferly, a sexual mindfulness app that aims to improve your sexual health and well-being is a good place to start. Their mission is to help women find pleasure and openly address the many experiences that have impacted their sex lives.
Moyle adds that mindful sex techniques are particularly effective in helping us to recognize our own arousal levels and encourage desire. Distraction can cause a loss of awareness about what’s happening in the body. This can make it easier to have sex and act as a motivator.
Salt-N-Pepa’s “Let’s Talk about Sex” is the perfect song. It is essential to share your sexual fantasies and needs with your partner in order to build a happy and fulfilling sexual relationship. Unfortunately, we can’t read the minds of others so it is impossible to communicate our needs and learn about those of our partners.
This is not to say that we shouldn’t be concerned about the difficulties these conversations can present, as we aren’t trained to discuss sex. Moyle says, “Often I say that talking about sex for many people is like trying to have a conversation using a language we’ve never learned.” It can feel uncomfortable for many people, but it is actually the best thing we can do to help them.
If you are having trouble getting started, you might consider talking to a sex therapist as an individual or with a partner.
7. UNDERSTAND SUGGESTIONS ARE NOT REJECTIONS
Sexual intimacy is the most vulnerable thing you could experience. Everyone is unique, and this applies to our sex lives as well as our relationships.
Moyle says, “It’s okay to not be perfectly matched in our desires and curiosities or sexual behavior. As long as we start with understanding and awareness of this diversity.” Don’t personalize your suggestions. Instead, focus on the act of suggestion.
The fastest way to reject a suggestion is to dismiss it and make assumptions. The psychosexual therapist recommends that you be considerate. She suggests asking your partner questions, such as, “What is it that interests and concerns you?” You can use phrases like “I’m not sure, however, is there something we could try?” You might discover a new and exciting path by being open to conversation.
8. PRIVATE YOUR OWN PLEASURE, AS WELL AS YOUR PARTNERS
While there is nothing wrong in being generous, it’s important to remember that your sex life is yours and your responsibility. Moyle says, “When it concerns our sex lives we should all take responsibility for our orgasms and not expect the other person will deliver.” Better sex education and body education can make us feel more in control of our pleasure and close the gap between orgasm and sexual pleasure.
Orgasm inequality is the term used to describe the gap between mixed-sex partners’ orgasms. Grace Wetzel’s study of mixed-sex couples published in the Sex Roles journal. It found that the more orgasms women have, and the less they expect. According to Grace Wetzel, a Rutgers social psychology doctoral student, this study shows that women who lower their expectations may continue to have orgasm inequalities in relationships.
Moyle says, “Prioritizing our partner’s pleasure over ours can also act as an distraction and take us from our own experience of the body. Ironically, this pulls us away form our potential for our own orgasm.”
9. EYE CONTACT
According to Columbia University’s article Connecting in Times of Crisis: Eye Contact, “When two people feel emotionally connected, they love looking into each other’s eyes.” Locking eyes with your partner is an easy way to connect if the eyes are truly windows into the soul. Fixed eye contact can stimulate the release of oxytocin (often called the “cuddle hormone”).
Moyle says that eye contact can be a way to show interest and attraction. It can also help to strengthen intimacy. Moyle also stresses that it can help us feel emotionally seen which can improve our relationship.
10. STOP FOCUSING ON BIG ‘O’
It’s great to be able orgasm, but what about the other amazing parts of sex? All of it is part of the experience, from the building up to the pulling back at times. Moyle agrees that pressure on orgasms can lead to a negative vibe.
“Focus on sex to get an orgasm can lead to a goal-oriented nature that makes it difficult for us to enjoy the rest of the experience.”
The expert also explained that the irony of worrying about an orgasm can prevent one from having one. “This happens because thoughts distract us from the present and interfere with our ability to focus on the sensations and pleasure that are most likely to take us to the peak of pleasure.”
Mindfulness techniques can be used to help you get back in the present moment if you notice this pattern in your life. Although they are more general, using one of the top mindfulness apps can help.