How to get over your fear of rejection and ask a girl out09.08.2022
One of the most common questions is: “How can I approach a girl in a casual way? I don’t want my appearance to be desperate.”
You know, I realize I sound old, but young people are so concerned about appearing cool these days.
What’s the best thing about chill? It is important to get what you want without getting stressed out by all the confusion that comes with communicating what you really want.
I have learned a lot from working with men one-on-one to understand their style. I can translate what men mean by saying things like:
“I hate shopping.” Translation: I don’t understand what I’m doing.
Or, “I just like to be comfortable.” Translation: “I wear baggy clothes to avoid people thinking I’m gay.”
When a guy tells his friends to be chill, he really means “I don’t want to expose myself and get rejected.”
Look, I get it. It’s not fun to be rejected, but there’s a way.
Do it Till You Make it
I hear the most stupid advice: “Just be confident!” Fake it until you make it! This is not how confidence works. The BIG secret is that you will be more confident in handling rejection if you ask more girls out.
It’s almost like driving a car. You will feel more confident driving if you are more experienced on the road, and you haven’t died in a fiery inferno. You’re driving and drinking coffee, while simultaneously chatting with your friend in the backseat.
How to be authentically confident
Jay Abraham, a legendary marketer, invited me to lunch and I was able to ask him one question. Here’s the question I asked Jay Abraham: “How can someone get to places they cannot even imagine?”
My question was about how to grow my business. This problem isn’t just for guys who don’t like asking women out. Ramit Sethi was my mentor in business and gave me great advice. It can be broken down into smaller steps that you can visualize.
What if I could make $1 million? Ok. Can I see 500k? No? Okay, but what about $200k? $150k?
First, hit the milestone goal and then move on to the next milestone.
Let’s return to the driving analogy. The thought of going on a road trip when you are 15 is terrifying. Start with the end in mind and work your way backwards. Let’s get down to it.
Driving across the U.S. alone ->. Driving alone to the next state ->. Driving around your state ->. Driving to a few other cities ->. Driving on the freeway Driving around the town ->. Driving around the parking lot
Here’s how it looks when you ask women out on dates.
Asking a woman you love out on a date. Talking to and flirting with attractive women (without losing your shit). Complementing an attractive woman ->. Complementing a woman that you aren’t attracted to -> Complementing a stranger.
It is impossible to fake confidence, but you can build it.
Start at the bottom and work your ways up. Begin by making an honest compliment to a stranger, male and female. It should be a low-stakes deal – it’s the guy who makes your coffee. The person in front of your.
It could be their haircut. It could be a tattoo. You might have noticed that they are writing in their journal at coffee shop, and have incredible penmanship.
Talk! Chat for a while if a conversation is starting to spark. Don’t let it become your goal. This is a conversation that you have with people, without any end in sight. Next, start to have conversations. Then, talk to women you like and then ask them out. Each milestone brings you closer to your goals and makes you more confident. You can go from parking in a lot to taking a road trip around the country.
Old women are my favorite to compliment, start conversations, and even flirt with. They are incredibly charming and won’t let you down.
Give her the option to say no (and don’t be a fool about it).
A lot of men don’t realize how different dating is for women. Ask your female friends on dating apps to show you their inbox if you need a wake up call. It’s unlike anything you’ve seen before, I’ll wager $100.
There are some very important things you should remember when asking a woman out on dates. Many men are afraid of rejection and “chill”, so their question is not clear. They might say yes, thinking it’s just a friendly date. After a rejection, women are used to men shaming them. This is the first question we have been discussing throughout this post. Be clear in your question. Don’t say hang out. Do not say grab a beer. Use the word “date”.
This is the second most important point.
This is why women often softly reject you, saying that they are busy right now or telling you they would like to be friends with you and ghost you, because they feel safe. In this instance, it is a good idea to show your chilliness but not in the way that you think.
It is important to be clear about your goals, but also to accept the possibility of a different outcome.
Let her know that she can say no to your offer and that it’s completely cool. Be cool, no matter what she says. Keep cool. This could be your ask:
“Hey! It was great to meet you at party yesterday. It’s amazing that we were the only ones who ate the guacamole. Anyways, I am taking a break from work and wondered if you would be interested in a date. (I have access to some hidden places that serve even better guacamole. It’s totally cool if they say no. I had a lot of fun chatting with both of you.”
If she doesn’t say no, just be cool. If she says yes, you can be calm. (But don’t be afraid to freak her out internally.)
Here’s the fun part: even though you said it was cool, she may not believe you are emotionally stable. This will increase her likelihood of saying yes. Remember to be sincere about it. You’ll get better at it the more you practice it.
Get ready for your first date in style.
Hitch is my favorite scene. Will Smith reminds his clients the girl he is going on a date has already said yes so it’s not his job to ruin it.
I want to commit suicide when I hear horror stories about men wearing fleece Patagonia pullovers to a date (true story). You don’t have to be a sexy jerk about how your looks are judged. You probably went on the date because you thought she was beautiful, so it’s a sign that you respect her.
You can set yourself up for long-term success
Setting yourself up for success over the long-term is one of the best things you can do to improve your relationship. This is the “ROI of Self-Improvement Rule”. The faster the fix is made, the greater the impact.
How do you get a new haircut or shave? It’s quick and easy. You will be more attractive.
Losing 50lbs? It’s more difficult and takes longer to lose 50lbs. Your attractiveness has a huge impact.
Keep calm. Be clear. Dress well. You’ll look great.