How to Create Perfect Online Dating Profile08.11.2021
After a long-term relationship, it can be difficult to reenter the dating scene. Reentering the dating scene, and returning to a digital-forward, digital-forward world that gives “putting yourself out there” a new meaning, is a little complicated. This was the challenge Alyssa Dineen, a NYC-based editor and stylist and art director, had to face after she found herself online dating and divorcing for the first time at 41.
Dineen met her husband before the advent of cell phones. She says online dating was new to her. She says that it was a steep learning curve for her, as well as many middle-aged divorced women. “I had to do it all by myself, as I didn’t have any friends in the same boat. After a few first dates and lots of swiping, Dineen finally figured it out. She now uses her online dating experience (as well her background in fashion, editing, and photo) to help others navigate modern dating.
Dineen is the author of The Art of Online Dating: Style your Most Authentic Self and Cultivate Mindful Dating. She also founded Style My Profile, an online dating profile styling service that offers coaching for clients from 20 to 80. Dineen shared her insights on the current dating scene. We asked her for advice about creating a profile, the first step in online dating. Continue reading to find out her top tips for creating an online dating profile, and how to feel comfortable putting yourself out on the internet.
How to create an online dating profile
- Get over the stigma
Online dating is something you have not considered before. Dineen was also skeptical after her divorce. She says that she was skeptical about her ability to meet people through work, in real life, and especially on camera. Then again, it wasn’t like most people. Dineen said that she only set up one date after her divorce. However, she soon realized that it would be slow-going if she relied solely on set-ups and in-person meetings. She turned to apps to find love and romance. Dineen states that online dating is now less stigmatized than at one time. “And now, pretty much everyone online dates at one point or another.”
If you have been reluctant to use the apps, let go of any stigma and just allow yourself to do it.
- Reconnect with yourself first
Dineen suggests that there is an important step before you open a dating website or app. This is about taking the time to really get to know yourself and what your true desires are. This is particularly important if you have recently ended a relationship. Dineen says that when you are in a relationship for a while, you develop a certain view of yourself. When you are free from a relationship, and you become single, you see yourself differently. Dineen did a major closet purge to discover her style and feel more confident as a single mom returning to the dating scene.
- Be true to yourself and what you desire
You will be more comfortable being yourself once you are honest with your self. Dineen suggests journaling the following question: “Who is my ideal partner?” To get clear about your desires, Dineen suggests journaling. She suggests that when you are putting yourself out there, you should not pretend to be someone else in order to attract the fictitious person you want. Dineen suggests that a better approach is to “just really focus in on what’s important to you, and show up as authentically possible.”
- Your bio is a way to express your individuality
Let’s now get to the profile building. Dineen states that one of the best tips for creating a bio is to try and think outside of the box. She has seen a lot bios look the same. She explains that everyone writes about being loyal, kind or funny. But that’s when the meaning of the bio starts to lose its meaning. When helping clients to create bios that make them stand out, she asks them the following questions: “What are your personal characteristics?” “, “What would your family or friends describe you?” “, “What is the most interesting thing about you?”
Once you have this list, you can begin to create a bio that’s unique to you. Dineen suggests that you leave out “loyal,” “kind,” and “funny” from your bio.
- Your openness to dating is important
Your online dating profile should convey that you are open to dating and meeting new people. If you take shortcuts or are lazy in creating your profile, such as leaving out your bio or making it shorter, it can send the wrong message and make it appear that you don’t want to pursue a relationship.
A profile characteristic that can send a negative message is one that focuses too much on your children or family and not enough on you. “Everyone asks me if I should include photos of me with my children?” Dineen agrees. “And I usually say, ‘I think it’s fine to include one but not more than that,’ as you want to convey that you are open to dating.” Dineen says that if every photo on your profile contains your children, especially younger ones, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are ready to date.”
A picture is worth a thousand words. Your online dating profile pictures will tell a lot about you and your goals. Here are Dineen’s top tips for creating great dating profile photos.
- Include a headshot. Dineen suggests that your profile should include a high-quality photo of you, with shoulders up. She adds that you must show your whole face. No sunglasses, no hats, no shadows, nothing distracting from your face.
- Do not take photos of your bathroom or car. Dineen states that this is a very common type of photo, particularly for men on dating apps. However, it’s time for the car/bathroom selfie to be discarded. These photos can look a bit sloppy and, frankly, a little confusing.
- Include an activity shot. Dineen states, “I always tell people to include one activity type of shot. Like something you enjoy doing, whether it be a hobby, a sport, or whatever it may be, just something that you are doing out and about.”
- Include a social shot. It’s a good idea to include social photos of yourself having fun. Dineen states, “If you are dressed up and going out to dinner, and you feel good, it’s a good idea to have someone take photos of you.”
- Do not include too many selfies. Dineen says that practice is the key to a great selfie. Although younger generations are more adept at taking great selfies and learning the lighting tricks, Dineen says that it is not as easy for those who don’t have smartphones. Dineen states, “Unless you have taken at least 200 selfies of your self, don’t include that yet.” In that instance, it’s better to use photos of yourself that have been taken by someone else.