How to Date Someone of Different Height (easy!)

We all are different, even if you are a tall or short person, it isn’t a big deal. Love has no boundaries. If you are starting a relationship with someone who is taller or shorter that you, you should be aware of a few things.

Acceptance is the key

You shouldn’t place the most frequently used cleaning products or cooking ingredients on the top shelf of the cabinet if you are dating someone shorter than you. You don’t have to be picky if your partner is different in height and he/she forgot to adjust the car seat after using it. You shouldn’t be judging their behavior or how they dress. A person who is short doesn’t need to be shy or sweet just because of height. Do not set up a stereotype for them and make them feel like they are a different person.

Jacobson stated that there is pressure not to wear high heels. I used to work in a shoe shop where women couldn’t wear heels if they were the same height or close to their partner. They were always mindful of it. It was a constant consideration.

Remember, however, that understanding and accommodating your partner will depend on their expectations outside of your relationship. This is particularly true for gender roles. Jacobson pointed out that heterosexual couples with taller women are more likely to be scrutinized and judged than heterosexual couples where the man is shorter. While it’s not your responsibility to break every social stereotype, you should be aware of them – better support your partner and ignore others.

For tall women, gendered expectations can be frustrating. Luckily, there is an app to help them. DateUp’s CEO and founder James Valladares described his app as “with the mission of creating a better experience for tall women”

He pointed out the “feedback that tall ladies have provided over the last year,” and explained that “many tall women prefer to date tall men but many are open to dating shorter men if it is comfortable for them to do so.” DateUp does not screen anyone based on their height. Only those who aren’t open to dating taller people will be weeded out by the site.

Stop mentioning your and others height differences!

“Don’t be strange” is solid advice that can be applied to almost any situation in life. But here, we are specifically referring to two situations: Don’t be strange by constantly raising the topic of height of a partner or date, and don’t become weird by actually fetishizing height.

Eric Del Valle is a 6-foot-2 New Yorker who said that he has been on many dates where the subject turned to his height.

He said, “It’s irritating. It becomes the main focus. It can be fun at the beginning but it becomes dull after a while.”

Potential mates are advised not to ask taller people if they are playing basketball. “That should be written down. Even if there is no height difference in your relationship, don’t mention it in the company of others.”

Jacobson stated that there are lots of comments from other people (strangers). Jacobson said that while most couples will point out any height differences, people must comment on them if they are next to a shorter man. People notice that you are tall when you’re in a relationship. It doesn’t matter if the couple is comfortable with it. Everyone you meet will notice it.

Katie Jacobson, a near Minneapolis-based visual artist, said, “I wish people understood that it’s strange. It’s actually the society who makes it weird-feeling. Many men assume I have already dismissed them, because I am taller than them. Instead of asking, they put it on me.”

Jacobson, at 5’11”, is seven inches taller that the average American woman.

She said that although “we have not encountered many fetish items, it is a problem that tall girls she knows mention how it is. It’s similar to the way short women are infantilized and made to feel fetishized. But instead of guys fantasizing about being crushed by tall Amazon women, it’s more like ‘My guy, that’s not what I want to do.'”

It’s okay to be worried about it, but not too much

Valladares stated that confidence is key to a multi-height relationship. It’s true. It’s something you can get used to with time.

He said, “For couples who have a height difference it’s important that they understand the values we place on a relationship. It’s much easier to focus on the long-term building of a strong and lasting relationship if you are able to be confident in your shared values.”

“Have fun together. You can have a great time laughing together even if one partner must crouch in order to enter a closet that the other can access easily, or jump to pull the cord on a ceiling fan. Look for the humor next time your tall partner complains about the cramped seats on an airplane, or your shorter partner gets handed a children’s menu.”

Jacobson stated, “On a lighter note, I dated [6-foot-5] one and the two of us fitting into his twin bed in his dorm was hilarious to say the least.”

You already know that there is more to your partner’s height than what you think. Alyssa Molina is a New Yorker at 5’2 who was a match with a 6-foot-5 man for a while.

She said, “Physically, I like him, but he was also very sweet, calm and inviting. He was easy to talk with.”

Valladares summarized it this way: “For those who are hesitant about dating someone from a different height, I would advise being open-minded. Sometimes you may not expect love to come. You might meet the perfect match for you.”