Should I end my relationship with annoying (but long-term) friend?

Today, we will tackle the problem of a friendship that is more antagonistic than loving all the time. How can you set limits in a relationship that isn’t working?

I hope you can help me out with a difficult situation that I have been in. Since college, I have had a close circle of friends. That was 20 years ago. Although we have split over the years, our friendships have remained close. My wife and I live in close proximity to two of these friends, along with their families. One of my friends has been a constant source of frustration and anger over the years. He is very self-absorbed and has a lot of things to say. I wonder often if he is trying to provoke me. Over time, I have noticed that our views and approaches to different situations have evolved dramatically. Yet, I am often portrayed as the 19-year old-kid he met at college. It is not permissible to have a different opinion without being ridiculed.

He is not a person I enjoy spending time with, and has been for many years. His wife has adapted this tendency to me and my wife share the same frustrations. They can be competitive with us and our kids, and enjoy the teasing and heckling aspects of our friendship. However, they don’t have the ability to be happy for themselves. It makes it difficult for us to be happy together. It is no surprise that there has been much resentment. This is something our mutual friends feel, but we all are at a loss as to how to handle it.

My wife and I both agree that our space could be a benefit to them. They live in the same area as us and we share many of the same friends. Our children are very close to them. We love our school and neighborhood.

Is it possible for the space to be added without breaking up a friendship that has been going on for over ten years? Any advice would be appreciated. I would love to save my friendship and not let it go. However, I don’t know how to do this.

Friendships are subject to the personalities and quirks that each person involved. This means that friendships can change over time. It seems that you have been friends with this person for a while, which could mean you have a shared past, which can make it difficult to unravel in your current lives. It’s likely that there is a deeply held idea of you and your friend, and that you have a shared idea of him. While this may contain negative ideas, it also means that you share a reverent and affectionate side.

What is the worst advice you’ve ever received? If someone isn’t happy for you or your wife (as your friend put it), then that could indicate that something is wrong with your relationship. It sounds like your friend and her wife are insecure. If you are all adults, living your lives and doing your best, why would they want to compete with each other? Competitive people are more jealous than others. Perhaps you were competitive as children, but it’s possible that you have grown apart from that competition. This could indicate jealousy on his part.

If you feel it will lead to a productive conversation, you can be sympathetic and ask if there is anything wrong. It sounds like you have been with this man for a while and know the limits of your relationship. With that in mind, why limit this relationship? You can also create an emotional blockade for him and for yourself. It is not worth having sloppy friends. You shouldn’t expect to have cool, not too annoying or antagonistic friends. Only to be disappointed time after time.

You don’t really need to call or text this person unless there is a pressing reason. If you are having trouble with their group chats, perhaps you can turn off some of them. Understanding what you can handle in the company of this person is important because you are friends. Do they do well in groups, but not one-on-one? While it’s okay for your children to be close friends, you don’t have to be best friends only with your child’s best friend. As a child, were your parents close to all your friends? Most likely not.

While I appreciate that you live in close proximity to them, it doesn’t mean you have to spend all your time with them. You can make the decision and there’s no need to think about anyone else. This is what you need to remember. You can decide the terms of your friendship and you can do so in subtle ways. It’s not necessary to tell them, “This is the way it is now.” Given all of the history between the two of you and all the friendships you have, it might seem a bit drastic to end the relationship. You need to decide what you can do to maintain healthy distance and stick to your plan.

Sometimes, friends subconsciously drift apart. In this instance, you are not doing it conscious.